Life Lesson #1

Hey blogger babies. So over the past couple of weeks I have learned a very important thing. Losing a friend is one of the worst things one will ever experience. Trust me. Sure it sounds a little cliche and some might roll their eyes and think, "yeah, I know" but nobody will ever truly know what it feel like until it happens. 

One might describe the feeling as a dull ache. An ache in your chest that is more apparent at times and less apparent at others, but still there nonetheless. Passing that person in the hallway and them not giving you a second glance. At that very moment you realize the person that you can tell anything to - judgement free - is no longer there. The one person that you can go to with a personal problem or question and will console you, but still give you a straight answer. Someone who you can joke with at times, but be serious with at others is no longer that person anymore. 

I believe that everyone has a person - one male and one female. Whoever your people are, they get you. They get your quirks and your weirdness and all the little things that make you you. When you lose one of your people, it almost feels like you lost a little bit of yourself. 

Luckily, in my case, I'm slowly getting that person back. Things got a bit rough for those couple of weeks, but I feel like things are getting back to normal again. I really hope they do because I've really missed my friend. I would never wish the loss of a true friend on anyone. 

Well, that's it my dears. Keep that life lesson in mind! You don't want to experience that pain. Trust me. It sucks.

Why Can't We Be Friends?

Hey babes! So a lot has happened since the last time I've written. I worked up the nerve to tell my friend (let's call him Bob) that I was attracted to him but still wanted to be friends without making things weird. Like we both agreed on that and whatever. BUT HE'S BEING WEIRD. Like the day after I told him, we took the SATs together, and we were in different classrooms, but he was in the same class with the girl that I carpooled with. So my class was the first people to finish the SATs. We finished like a good 10 minutes before everyone else. And of course, his class was the last class to finish. As people we knew were walking out, we'd jokingly ask what time they started because my class was done so early. Well I asked him and my friend that and he was like "I don't know," in kind of a mean tone. So I was like whatever like I brushed it off. So then my two friends and I were going to Panera afterwards and one of my guy friends was like oh I wanna come. Well, he was like I'll ask Bob if he wants to come too. So when they came out he did and Bob looked at me and was like "I don't feel good." So I was like well that was kinda personal I guess. But again, I brushed it off. Then, like 3 days later, I had to text him a question about the boys' cross country team. This was the conversation:
"Hey, what time does your bus for your meet leave today?"
"2:30 I think"
"Okay, is it okay if me and kenzie went to take a picture of all the seniors in their uniforms for yearbook?"
"Don't ask me" and then (because I think he felt that was too mean) "Ask the captains"
"Alright" (and then because I thought it was too mean) "Thanks"

So I mean, that was a pretty cold conversation. And then, we're in the same math class, and I went to see our math teacher after school one day to talk about something. My friend went with me for moral support, so she saw this and then told me. I'm talking to my math teacher and he walks in, stops where the door handle is, looks at me, and rolls his eyes. Then he walks to the back of the room. So she goes over there and they start conversing. Then she's like, "Why are you here?" and he was like "To get extra help" and shes like "ohh" and he's like "but I never seem to get it" and shes like "why?" and he's like (looking at me with daggers) "Because someone's always here." I SHIT YOU NOT, THIS IS WHAT SHE TOLD ME.

No to mention that he doesn't talk to me anymore, doesn't make eye contact, and will barely acknowledge my existence, if at all.

So now I'm questioning what he said when he said he wanted to still be friends. This is his exact statement. "Of course I still want to be your friend." OH REALLY, YOU DO? Cause I think friends talk to each other, smile at one another, actually acknowledge each others existence. I'm trying to be your friend, but I don't really know what else I can do. If you don't want to be friends anymore, I would rather you just tell me. Sure it would hurt, but I would respect your decision eventually. It would really suck though because you were one of my best friends.

I don't understand why, out of the both of us, he's the one being weird. He should be flattered. If someone told me that they liked me, I would be flattered. Even if I didn't like them like that, I'd still be flattered. I just don't know what to do anymore.

If by some chance, you're reading this (and by "you're" I mean Bob) please let me know if you actually want to be friends, or what's going through your head so I'm not second guessing myself. Thanks.