Face + Palm = Me

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Oh sorry, that was me hitting my head against the keyboard multiple times.

At this moment, I feel like the biggest idiot on the planet. It's unreal. Let me tell you what went down.

So for the past month or so, I've been really confused of what's been going on with this guy. It's not like we're talking, but it's not like friendzoned either. It was a flirtationship, if you will. Now, I don't know what to do. This girl that I work with kept telling me to ask him what's going on and/or where he sees this going. The thing is, I can't. #1- I'm not ballsy enough to do this sort of thing. #2- I'm not good at confrontation (angry confrontation, emotional confrontation, any kind of confrontation really). I do not like to do it because it does not sit very well with me. I get all nervous and shaky. I pretty much have a panic attack. #3- I didn't want to ruin a great friendship in doing this. So we were clocking off of work and I was texting the guy. So the girl that I work with took my phone and asked him what I wanted to know, but couldn't do. (In the midst of all this, I'm going into panic attack mode. AKA pacing, shaking, shallow breaths, etc). So in conclusion, the guy pretty much said that if circumstances were different, then maybe.

Where the banging my head against the keyboard thing comes into play is when I was talking to my other coworkers about this, one of them was like, "I could have easily help you out if you said something months ago!" ***The thing about this is, I don't like to tell many people at work things because like no one can keep a secret. So I'm not going to go broadcast this when I don't want my family knowing. PLUS I don't like putting myself out there if I am not at least 90% certain of the result.*** Then he started to make me all sad and stuff saying that it would never work and that maybe if I said something before maybe he'd still be here and all this other stuff that was not making me feel better. Not to mention I'm still in panic attack mode. THEN, the guy was like "sorry I'm a million miles away." Which made me realize when I was sitting in my car that I should've said something sooner and the I am indeed the stupidest, wimpiest person on the whole entire planet.

So the moral of the story is: If you have something to say, just say it. Don't be a wimp because it could come back to bite you in the ass later on.

I do realize that now.